Hi!

How’s everyone holding up? I’m struggling a little, I’m not going to lie. I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry… or both… perhaps at the same time. Which would definitely result in some strange looks and the inevitable question: ‘Are you ok?’ Which would then see me crumbling into visible sobs, running swiftly to the nearest loo and leaving the remaining people looking at each other with knowing glances of ‘No, no… she is NOT ok’.

The thing is, there is NO room full of people and I’m actually at home alone… (post hot bubble bath) lying in a room full of candles and lovely scents of the season filling my nostrils. A cosy relaxing atmosphere, with no kids (they’re currently at their dad’s) to disturb my peace, no relatives to “perform” for and no pressure to DO anything. Bliss! I hear you think.

Why is it then, that I have a lump in my throat, pools of tears forming in my eyes and a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart?

Let’s look at the events of the last three days and see if we can pin-point where some of these feelings are coming from, shall we.

Christmas Eve

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Dear Readers,

As you may already know, the thing that sparked my (very long) break from Substack / Writing back in June 2025 was that “lovely” thing we keep hearing about these days - “Burnout”!

I thought it might be helpful to share my personal experience of this with you. Firstly as a reminder to myself, so I don’t get caught in the over-productive, self-loathing, overwhelming, decision paralysis trap again. But also so that it might help someone else who finds themselves in a similar situation.

My Personal Experience

I was exhausted, highly emotional, extremely reactive, totally overwhelmed and generally not a fun person to be around. I was snapping at the kids at the drop of a hat, absolutely everything felt like too much to cope with and I found myself not knowing where to begin… with anything!

I was unable to make decisions about even the smallest thing, I was buzzing around all over the place, but not actually getting anything done - I was broken - I needed to stop - So I hit PAUSE… on EVERYTHING!

Read More…

You can read more about “The Power of Pause” and how it prompted a huge learning curve for me, in the post below…

Practical First Steps

After a while of only focusing on keeping myself and the children fed, watered, well rested and emotionally stable; I was able to take the first tiny steps towards unscrambling my brain and my thoughts.

I had to take it really slow and be so careful not to add more shit to my already overflowing steaming pile of overwhelm and self-hatred. Some of these might seem tiny and SO obvious, but it’s worth remembering that when you are in the midst of burnout hell, even the smallest of steps can become too much very quickly!

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Hi,

A very short post from me as typing is difficult today, but I wanted to share this because it’s real, it’s raw, it’s honest and it’s a small insight into a bad day in a body riddled with chronic disease. For anyone else with a similar experience… I feel you, I hear you, I get it! ❤️

Live One Day in my Body - I Dare You!

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Hi friends,

This piece was inspired by listening to talking on the Happy Mum, Happy Baby Podcast - Do have a listen, but stay with me for now…

…I really related with the way Emma talks of “embedded guilt” around asking for (and accepting) help in this fabulous interview. It got me thinking… Among a multitude of other reasons, could it also be because we wonder if people are offering as a polite gesture (and secretly hoping we will decline) or do they actually mean it?

In a world where there is a vast generation of people pleasers (myself included and it does tend to be women), it makes it a little difficult to identify the genuine offers of help. This makes me think of a recent conversation I had with a friend, where we were discussing why we feel like we must do everything ourselves.

There was talk of societal pressures and the acceptance and praise that comes from achieving high levels of productivity, the low level of importance that is placed on self-care and gentle living and how growing up with a fiercely feminist mother* all added to the pot. (Although I do believe things are shifting now, finally – thanks to fantastic podcasts such as these).

With regards to asking for help – I believe there are two major factors at play here…

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Dear Readers,

Happy New Year! 🎉

I hope you had fun whatever you got up to yesterday and had a restful day today. I wanted to send you a piece I wrote at the beginning of last year, as it is still relevant and is a personal favourite of mine. Lighthearted, fun and a little “fuck you” to new years resolutions - Enjoy! 😉

Biscuits for Breakfast - (First published 7th Feb 2024)

As the “New Year, new me” epidemic of this January (and Januarys past) starts to descend on us yet again, it begs the question… Why do we do this to ourselves every year?

There are many answers to this question, one of which is the obvious marketing ploy of gyms, fitness centres and protein shake companies the world over. Someone (really quite clever) decided it would be the perfect time of year to prey on people’s insecurities, harness their desire for a “better me” and channel it straight into their greedy little money grabbing pockets.

Now, you may have wised up to this marketing ploy and for that I applaud you. It will mean you have been in that god awful place where you swiftly remember that you absolutely hate the gym (always have, always will), but are now slave to it for the entire 12 month contract you unwittingly signed… or, you never go again. Either way, you must begrudgingly part with your hard earned cash every single month, and suffer that feeling of being well and truly shafted up the backside!

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Dear lovely readers!

I won’t keep you long today, as I know (if your Substack inbox looks anything like mine) that the last thing you need right now is another long post to read, so I’ll try and keep it brief. I just wanted to wish you a calm and cosy Christmas and leave a couple of gems here… which might help you get through (what can be) a very stressful time of year. 😬

Personally, I’m actually feeling very anxious about the “BIG day”… for various reasons (which I won’t go into right now)… So, I’ve been busy trying to keep calm, give myself plenty of time to rest and prepare – it took me 3 hours last night to wrap just 6 presents, due to needing to take rest breaks to relieve the pain in my spine and ribcage, which (for those who might not know) is one of the many “glorious” complications caused by my autoimmune condition… yay! 🙄 Don’t worry, this post will become jollier imminently.

Now For a Bit of Silliness

I’ve been enjoying ’s beautiful digital Advent Calendar throughout December and one of her little challenges was to write a Limerick. Sorry, if you’ve already seen this, as I’m delighted to say it’s been doing the rounds 👏 which made me very happy indeed. 🥰 I was ill (again) at the time of writing and here it is:

You’re welcome! 😉🤣

Subscribe for More Silliness

In Other News

Amongst other seasonal pressures, is this little thing called “Winter Wonderland” that if you don’t take your kids to (or at the very least a local alternative), you are deemed a bad parent/arsehole for “ruining their Christmas fun” 🙄

So, along with every other fucker, we fell prey to this eye-wateringly expensive Christmas tradition… but not the London one, oh no… we were clever, we went to a smaller, less-crazy-version-of-hell-on-earth-disguised-as-twinkly-fluffy-Christmassy-fun and watched our money disappear faster than shit off a shovel! 🫣

However, this was made slightly more bearable thanks to the hilariously funny ENORMOUS knob-shaped frying pan handles at the Bratwurst stall… 🤣

A Moment of Refection

The school nativity (in which my daughter had the role of: “Stable” – that’s one for the books🤣 - was surprisingly delightful this year and I have to say, I was very pleasantly surprised to see ALL of the audience actually watching the children’s cute little adaptation of the Christmas story… with their EYEBALLS! 👀

Not through a sea of mobile phones as you might expect in this current age of technological overload. It was truly wonderful and heart-warming to watch and got me feeling all fuzzy and Christmas spirity! 🥰 Horraaaaa! 😆

One Christmas Nugget From Me – Gift bags!

Seriously THE best and most life changing Christmas “hack” I allowed myself to start doing two years ago.

Any presents that are going to extended family, anyone outside of your house, or even some of the people in your house… Stuff them in a gift bag and crinkle a piece of red/silver/gold tissue paper over the top of them to hide them from immediate reveal. Done! 🥳

Such a time/stress saving way to “wrap” and they still look pretty, are easier to carry to the car/on the train, etc… AND you’ll be doing your bit for the planet too! Win win 👍

Guilt and Perfection

Now is not the time to go deeply into this one, as I did promise I would keep this short, but can I just say to anyone feeling the pull of guilt, people pleasing tendencies and a need to make everything “perfect” for Christmas… In the nicest possible way… Calm the fuck down!! It’s ONE day! Relax, try to take time out to breathe and gather your brain back together, delegate your arse off and remember that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT!!

Channel your inner Sloth and remind yourself that the people who really matter will still love you even if your turkey ends up dryer than nun’s noonny, or your potatoes are as limp as old man’s penis! Whatever happens, you’ll look back on the day and wonder why you got yourself in such a flap… so don’t! Relax, try to notice those little moments of magic and just BE.♥️

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If you would like some actual practical advice on how to cope with this “magical” season, do have a look at this wonderful article from … If you’re going to read just ONE article (apart from mine obviously 😉)… THIS is the one you need! Trust me, it’s FAB!

Letters From Therapy

Embracing an Authentic Christmess

I’m Kate, a psychotherapist writing about mental health and self-discovery, for you to flourish in a life you love. When we cultivate self-compassion, resilience and understanding, we also create a more harmonious world. Upgrade here for transformative journaling prompts, empowering tools, workbooks…

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a year ago · 44 likes · 15 comments · Kate Harvey

That’s It From Me!

Ok, that’s enough from me. Wishing you all a calm, cosy and very Merry Christmas! 🎄🎅🏻☃️

See you on the other side! 🥂

Hi!

This piece was originally written (by me) back in October, as a guest post for at the wonderful Coffee With Coops publication – which I thoroughly recommend by the way.😉

I’ve re-purposed it today for a couple of reasons:

1. I’m laid up in bed with a nasty cough and needed something easy to post, which didn’t require much prep.🤒

2. I believe it to be currently relevant and potentially useful/helpful, as we enter this festive (yet, often stressful) time of year.🎄🧡☃️

3. I’m actually really proud of it and wanted to get it further out in the world – apologies if you’ve seen it over at ‘Coffee With Coops’ already.😳

It’s Not Me, It’s You!

Do you find you often seem to be on the receiving end of some pretty nasty behaviour or comments from a friend or a family member? Do you sometimes struggle to understand what on earth you did or said that was so wrong or bad? You may be experiencing what we have all come to know as - projection! I’m sure you’ve heard of this at some point or another, but just in case…

Straightforward Definition:

“Projection is a type of psychological defence mechanism. When people project, they place their negative emotions, beliefs, or traits on someone else. People project to protect themselves from uncomfortable inner conflict and anxiety, but the behaviour can interfere with various relationships and situations.” – You can read more here: Choosing Therapy - but stay with me for now! 😉

Now MY Definition:

“Projection is a confusing malfunction between humans – usually close relatives – where one refuses to recognise that they have issues that need addressing. So, instead of getting the right help required for dealing with those issues, they make other people’s lives a misery as a way of avoiding their uncomfortable negative emotions and to protect their own self-esteem. Great – Thanks!”

Projection Protection

As you might be able to tell by my tone, I have been on the receiving end of such treatment just a few times. Unfortunately, for reasons that are far too long to go into right now, both my parents have become accustomed to this way of behaving. To be fair, apparently it is not always a conscious thing, which is at least a little comforting I guess.

Projection can be a result of subconscious reactions to unpleasant emotions and inner conflict. People use this type of defence mechanism to protect themselves from anxiety and internal discomfort, without being fully aware of what drives their behaviour.

Once you start to understand that the person projecting often has a lack of awareness around their difficult emotions, anxiety and negative beliefs, you can start to tap into your empathy and compassion for that person. This is the first positive step towards protecting yourself from the upsetting and hurtful impact of their behaviour.

Of-course it would be wonderful if your relative/friend/partner could develop some (or a deeper) awareness themselves and work at resolving their issues. However, as we all know, not everyone is as open to this as we might wish they were. So, if this is the case, the best thing you can do is learn how to protect YOURSELF from the full impact of their projection.

Empathy & Compassion

Step 1

Remember, often the cause of a person’s projection stems from deeply rooted past issues, buried in their subconscious (below conscious level). Therefore, (as previously mentioned) this can help us to draw on our empathy and compassion, when we realise that they may not even be aware of what they are doing; and certainly not WHY they are doing it. It’s also helpful to know that…

“Projection is often a reflection of how someone feels about themselves.” - Choosing Therapy

Using that compassion that we now have (hopefully) tapped into, we can try to show patience and understanding. By thinking about the fact that the deep-rooted feelings and beliefs they carry about themselves are SO painful, they have had to push them SO far beneath there conscious mind in order to cope; we can start to understand that it really is nothing to do with US at all! Well, it might be a bit to do with us… it’s worth checking in with yourself just to be sure.😉

Projection Into Reflection

Step 2

Now we have this understanding, we can perhaps deal with the situation more rationally. Rather than react abruptly and defensively, we can stay calm and look at things objectively. Reminding ourselves that this is NOT about our own fears, anxieties, shortcomings, etc… but it is, in fact, all theirs. Hence the title of this piece: “It’s not me, it’s you!” - See what I did there 😆

Note: Whether or not you politely try to point this out, only YOU will know when (or if) that is a good idea. Perhaps they will feel more open to it once they have been bowled over by your amazing empathy and understanding.😉😄

Please also note: Old people are particularly stuck in their ways and will likely show a huge amount of resistance to the slightest mention that it might be a ‘them problem’, so tread carefully – Yes, I am talking from personal experience!

Learn Their Triggers

Step 3

If all else fails and it just - keeps - happening, another step is to LEARN THEIR TRIGGERS! I know, I know, again it’s us doing all the work… but assuming you still want this person in your life and they are miserably blissfully unaware of the whole mess, you will need to do what you can to protect yourself from the full and lasting impact that their showers-of-shit can have on you. So…

…Be Prepared!

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What usually happens right before the avalanche of shit cascades forth from their gob?

2. What do you know about their past that might have impacted them so negatively?

3. What have they experienced to cause them such deep and excruciating pain? So much pain that their subconscious actually stops them from facing it, in order to preserve their ability to function day to day. 😔

   

Acceptance

Step 4

The key to all of this… ACCEPTANCE!

You may have battled with this person in the past and at times you may have even felt like you’d got some way to healing them. But, as much it is admirable that you’re trying to help them, they won’t (and can’t) change anything until they see it for themselves.

It is NOT your job to fix them; and the burden of such a job is something you really don’t need impacting negatively on your life, time and time again.

By accepting this and using some of the tools previously mentioned, you can put yourself in a position less vulnerable to the negative impact of their shit-storm.

“Duck It!” (and no that is not a typo😆)

At times like these, I like to keep in mind this phrase:

The key being that no matter how much “water” is sent your way, you can think of yourself as a calm contented duck, just floating peacefully around a lake in the knowledge that the water will just glide right off you again.

It needn’t get under your skin and impact your mood or your general wellbeing; it is NOT yours to absorb!

It was my dad who taught me that 🥰

Thank you for reading and I hope you found this article of some use - If you enjoyed it, please click on the little ♥️ and/or comment below… this really helps other people find it. Thank you! 🙏

Hello!

Inspired by recent events in my own life, I have been reminded (yet again) how being in the company of certain people can make you feel like you are failing or not “doing life” properly.

We can do so much work on ourselves and try hard to build our self-esteem, only to have it come crashing down in a matter of hours. That is how delicate these things can be and how strong and powerful the old deeply ingrained limiting beliefs are.

Considering how much work it takes to re-build our self-esteem and create new, healthy beliefs and a TRUE sense of self, we must remember to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion and confidently guard our emotional wellbeing.

It is not always easy to carve out a life for yourself that is right for you and that perhaps other people don’t fully understand or appreciate, but it is essential that you create a life that suits you! We are not here to live a life that others “approve” of, or one that we feel we are “supposed” to have.

The Social Media Lie

One of the things that makes this so hard to do is that damn thing called social media! Whilst I can fully appreciate it has its uses, as you might have guessed, I am not a fan. In fact, I have fallen so out of love that I recently took steps to come off of it all together.

Now, I’m not suggesting you do the same because then I would be telling you how to live YOUR life. I’m simply mentioning it as a reminder to not compare yourself to everyone’s “best bits” of their lives. A person’s Instagram account is simply NOT a true representation of their life… of-course it isn’t… who in their right mind would want to post a picture of their child having a tantrum, or the house looking like a pigsty… Nobody!

So, just remember that behind every “perfect” Instagram photo or Facebook story, is a crying child, a huge mound of laundry or a whole bunch of clutter. Give yourself a break and remember that what you are seeing is only a fraction of the story. Real life is messy… real life is not perfect, real life keeps moving and real life is a beautiful disaster!

Some Tough Love!

YOU are in charge of your life, your choices, your decisions… YOU are the one who can try things, change things, leave a bad situation, distance yourself from toxic people. You CAN do whatever it is you need or want to do to make your life the way that is right for you.

Don’t be afraid of other people’s beliefs or opinions, they belong to them NOT you. You don’t have to take on other people’s ideals. Trust your instincts, search inside for your own values, beliefs and ideas and make them happen. You CAN do it! You MUST do it!

You’ve got this! 💛

Hello lovely readers!

As someone who has had A LOT of personal first-hand experience with this topic, I would like to share some of my “top tips”, which you can of course take or leave, but you might find them useful… or at the very least interesting.

My Personal Experience

My youngest daughter, who is now (at the time of writing) 8 years old, has struggled with controlling her emotions for a very long time. With a particular tendency to have sudden and dramatic anger outbursts, which would often result in screaming, crying, throwing things and even occasionally (very sadly) trying to hurt herself. 😔

After many years of extensive research, hard work and devoted commitment, I am so proud to say that I have been largely successful in helping her manage her “difficult” emotions and guide her towards better and more appropriate/acceptable ways to process them. Through my experience and with a lot of trial and error, I have concluded that there are 6 KEY elements to supporting your child that are absolutely VITAL and enormously effective.

Key Element #1

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Hey!

Maybe you didn’t even notice (no offence taken), but this post is over a week late. I was deliberating whether it was worth even bothering to add it… then I thought, fuck it, better late than never right? 🤔

So, without further ado, onto this month’s nurturing (and hopefully helpful) words of wisdom. I’ve been struggling with a few things lately, one of which is the ability to stay calm when things get a little hectic. If you’re anything like me, chaos can cause stress, anger and overwhelm - and a lot quicker these days it would seem. 🙄

Yes indeed wise, serene (and oh so cute) Sloth. But how does one do that when in the midst of chaos?

I like to think of it like this… if you are in the middle of a shit storm and you’re about to lose it/shout/swear/throw things/etc… will that actually help the situation or indeed make it much worse AND leave you with a whole heap of guilt to deal with ON TOP of everything else?!

In this fast paced world, chaos often ensues due to an overload of work, kids, house stuff, school admin (soooooo much school admin! Why?!), a billion clubs and various other commitments. We often find ourselves rushing from one place to the next, barely able to breathe in between.

Lately, I have tried to channel my inner Sloth and slow the fuck down! Someone who has helped me enormously with this is , who writes the gorgeous Generosity of Spirit, where she shares ideas and tips on slow and gentle living. I love how she breaks things down into easy and manageable steps and I thoroughly recommend taking a look.

I’ve noticed that by slowing down and implementing some of Emily’s wonderful ideas, it has already had a hugely positive impact on my general mood and overall ability to enhance my calm. It has also helped me to notice where I am focusing too much of my time and energy. How holding onto stress and anger has been negatively impacting me and adding to my general feeling of stress and overwhelm.

We could all do with channelling our inner Sloth and slowing down a little. Just enough to breathe… to notice where you are wasting time and energy and what small steps you could take to enhance YOUR calm and become less angry and overwhelmed.

Also, DO NOT spread yourself too thin, DO NOT say yes to everything and STOP being a people pleaser! Sorry, just a flash of tough love there, in case you needed it. 💛

This really hit home for me and is a great reminder that YOU are in charge of YOUR own life and of YOUR own choices! If you’re feeling angry and overwhelmed because you are giving too much of yourself to people - Just STOP!

Anyway, that’s it for now. I hope this has been helpful in some way… Bye for now and remember - Go forth and channel that (oh so cute) inner Sloth!! 🦥 🥰

Dear Readers,

Today I would like to talk about self-doubt and that relentless inner critic. This is something that I have struggled with for many many years... and still do if I’m honest. I have worked hard over the years to not listen to that inner voice as much, but it is really hard! I have always been someone who will hesitate to do something, through fear of it not being good enough. However, since taking small brave steps (slowly but surely 🐌), I have found that just going for it has brought me so much joy!

It turns out that the self-doubt I’ve been carrying around all these years was a kind of “safety net” that stopped me from taking any risks… the trouble is, it also stopped me from living and immersing myself in many joyful experiences. I haven’t always got things right, or even been very good at some things, but guess what? I survived! So, I suppose what I’m trying to say here is - Why not give it a go! Whatever it is, just go for it... how will you get good at something anyway (or know if it’s for you) if you don’t even give it a go? You never know, you might actually be much better than you think you’ll be ❤️

I found out exactly this just yesterday, in the most wonderful way - A writer - - who I very much admire, and who inspired me to start my Substack in fact, paid me a wonderful compliment ☺️ It was following THIS POST that I published on Monday, where I shared some of my latest poems. She said “Your writing is beautiful” 👏🥳💞 This meant the absolute world to me, and whilst seeking validation is not what I’m here for, it is very nice to get it every now and again. I guess my point is - Just keep going with doing what you love and you never know who might be quietly enjoying your work ❤️

Feel free to share this Public Post with whoever you like…

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Hi!

I have been a little quiet on here lately, as I have been recovering from major surgery which I had 6 weeks ago. I am happy to report that all went well and I have almost made a full recovery 👍💞

Today’s essay will be a little mixture of various topics I have been busy reading about and commenting on whilst recovering, such as “supportive parenting”, “why tantrums ARE normal” and the ever-controversial topic of “kids and smart phones”. I will also include some small pieces of writing that were inspired by prompts received during the “Spring Journaling Challenge” created by and at Midstory Magazine.

I’ll start with one of the first writing prompts, which brought up some interesting yet familiar feelings, as I struggled to write positively about myself. Here is what came up…

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Dear Readers,

The fabulous has been providing mothers a wonderful space to share their thoughts, feelings and experiences of motherhood, through her wonderful Substack Being In Motherhood. You can read more about Emma and her intentions for the space here.

I was initially drawn to the space, as Emma talks about the importance of caring for ourselves alongside our children and breaking generation cycles, which is something I am also passionate about. I felt welcome immediately, as Emma says, “This space will hold you as you be in motherhood”.

I felt comfortable and safe to share openly and honestly about my own personal experience of motherhood. Here is what came up… (I have kept my answers exactly how they were at the time I answered them, to maintain authenticity).

Unspoken Words - Being in Motherhood

A Short Bio
Forty-something divorced mum of two girls, now 14 and 8 (at time of writing). Making my way through the teenager thing - that's new! Battling a chronic Autoimmune disease and perimenopause - that's fun! Basically just trying to do my best at life with patience, love and kindness... and with some newly found self-compassion ❤️

Q: One thing that is hard to admit about motherhood?
A: I don't always "like" my children!
I feel immediately compelled to follow that up with "of-course, I love my children" which I do… deep down 😄 But I have to admit there are times when they behave a certain way that I'm like 'Ooo, you are such a dick!' In my head of-course, don't worry. I'm hoping by being honest about this, I might alleviate someone else's guilt for ever feeling this way... or for swearing at them silently behind their back as they turn to leave the room. Anyone? No… just me… oh dear 😳

Q: Another thing that’s hard to admit about motherhood?
A: I used to judge other mums so badly 😔
Before I was a mum, I used be so quick to judge other mums (only ever in my head, luckily). I feel terrible now for the way I used to look at other mums out and about and be like 'what are they doing?' and 'that child clearly needs xyz' and 'I'm never going to do that when I'm a mum' and 'my child would never dream of behaving that way', etc, etc... you get the idea. Oh, how smug I was! 🤣

Q: Other things that are hard to admit about motherhood?
A: I enjoy my time away from them! 😟
The one 'perk' (shall we call it) of divorcing the father of your children (besides the fact that you don't have to live with a person that made you feel like shit every day, just for being you!) is that you get a break! Even now (7 years later) it is hard to admit that I actually enjoy that time away from them. It sounds so bad saying it out loud, but I love it!

I get to recharge and have some time to be quiet, calm and think (and write). Time to assess where we are and what I could better as a mum. Time to reset and focus on areas that need work. Time to rest and care for myself! Something I had always struggled with, until I became ill and it became essential. Something I now know I HAVE to do if I am going to be the best mum I can be for my children.

Q: What is one truth motherhood has taught you?
A: There is no "right" way to parent!

Q: What does it feel like to be in Motherhood this season?
A: I'm slightly confused by the word "season" here... do we mean season as in Spring, summer, etc... or season as in "stage"... like peri-menopausal with teenager? I think it might mean the latter, although for what it's worth, parenting in Spring in England is delightful! 😆

This stage of motherhood for me is a mixed bag really... in one way I have started to "get my life back" as they say. Although I've never been keen on that phrase... somehow sounding like you were robbed of the best years of your life when you CHOSE to have children, just doesn't sit right with me. Although I get it, in the sense that you are no longer required to give absolutely every waking minute to your children, and they can fend for themselves more.

I'm not going to lie, that is really nice. But it also feels strangely unsettling and you can be left feeling a bit lost or redundant at times. And... I'll admit, I haven't got the excuse of "the kids need me" anymore in relation to my endless procrastination with pursuing my (other) passions. The fear of failure, or not being good enough, must be conquered at long last… and that is scary!

Q: What Advice, words, support or encouragement can you share about motherhood?
A: Just a few little nuggets…

1. Always trust your instincts

2. Do NOT read any parenting books!

3. Be KIND to yourself

4. Never feel guilty for too long... Apologise (if you need to), assess what you need to do differently (if anything) and LET IT GO!!

5. Ask for help

6. Never regret anything, just learn from it

7. What will be will be

8. Allow yourself to rest and recharge... You can't pour from an empty cup!

Q: Anything else you feel called to share?
A: Just a lovely quote that has always stuck with me, about embracing the highs and lows of life...

Motherhood Musings - Being in Motherhood

Q: Expectation before becoming a mother?
A: I had very high expectations of myself as a mother and felt very strongly that I "should" be good at it and take it in my stride. I expected to be fully organised, together and on top of things 100% of the time. It was my purpose in life, my job... there was no room for failure!

Q: Why?
A: Having a Childcare qualification and experience as a Nursery Nurse and a Nanny for many years. Also, having a teacher for a mum.

Q: Reality?
A: I was very organised and found the practical stuff easy... like bathing, changing, dressing, routines, bottles, packing a bag to go out, getting out and about to playgroups etc... meeting other mums/nannies. I already had a support network of nannies/mums that I'd built from my nanny job, so that part was easy.

I didn't stop to think that it was maybe too much, and I just kept going on this weird adrenaline rush... then it hit me! It was too overwhelming, I was exhausted, in pain, questioning my every move, beating myself up if I didn't keep on top of the practical things for one day... or even one morning!! The pressure I put on myself was immense!! My inner critic grew and became louder and louder… I became more and more depressed and angry with myself. I felt like a total failure, I was broken.

Q: How did you cope?
A: After having my head firmly in the sand for over a year, I finally had to admit I wasn't coping and I needed help. My husband was luckily very supportive and did wonder how on earth I was managing to do so amazingly well, and never appeared to be struggling. It turns out he thought it was "unusual" but didn't want to "jinx" it, because life was 'going so well'... for him.

With support from friends, family and other new mothers, I finally allowed myself to have flaws, to not be OK ALL of the time, to admit I was struggling and to give myself TIME! Time to rest, relax, let the little things go, and look after myself and my mental wellbeing - The best decision I ever made!

Q: What was the hardest thing for you?
A: Breast Feeding!! (Internal and external pressure made this a nightmare for me).

Q: Your message to other mums?
A: Be KIND to yourself! Give yourself TIME and COMPASSION to adjust to this huge life changing event. Allow yourself to be open and honest about how you feel and NEVER EVER compare yourself to other mothers!

Q: An expectation that became a reality?
A: I expected to be quite good at managing my child's emotional needs / behaviour and it turns out I am (not always) but a lot of the time... and that is good enough!

Q: Anything else you would like to add?
A: I am absolutely passionate about us supporting each other through Motherhood and being kind and compassionate towards, not just each other, but (perhaps more importantly) ourselves. My mission (with my writing and sharing) is to empower women/mothers to see the priceless value in nurturing our own and our children's emotional wellbeing.

Recognising that by modelling kindness and compassion towards ourselves, we can have the patience and understanding needed to guide our children to do the same. By first nurturing ourselves, it gives us the capacity to listen, accept, understand and nurture our children's emotions... In a way that helps them feel valued, heard, supported and understood.

And Finally - Something to remind us we are not alone, and perhaps doing better than we think! 😊

Thank you for reading and if you’d like to comment and let me know if any of this resonated with you, or tell me about your own experience, that would be wonderful! Thanks again for the questions ☺️

Hi friends,

Is it just me or does anyone else ever feel like they’re “too happy” for people sometimes? I often get the feeling that some people don’t like seeing others happy… like life should be all about working hard, paying the bills and missing out on all the fun. Like we're somehow a bad person or ‘selfish’ or ‘lazy’ if we find a way to enjoy life.

I mean, is it really such a bad thing to find a way to actually ENJOY life?! Are people jealous if someone can juggle life and all the things that are thrown at them and still be happy? Are they envious that I have found a balance that lets me work and be with the children in the amounts that suit me and works for us?

I find myself thinking things like; “I’d better dull it down a bit... make sure I 'fit in' by having stress, struggles and unhappiness in my life.” God forbid we actually enjoy life and get the balance right! It’s almost like if we're not struggling, we don't fit in! What is it about society that can make us feel so bad about being happy or successful that we actually stop ourselves from doing it?

Is it society generally though, or is closer than that? Is it friends, circumstances, family, upbringing, schools, attitudes, etc... What stops us from taking the steps to get to where we really want to be?

Success Blockers

Since around 2014, I’ve been making notes and observations about our cycles of behaviour and the choices we keep making that aren’t serving us well. We hear about ‘Success Blockers’ a lot in the self-development world and it’s a term I’m sure that most are familiar with. Just in case some are not, and to create clarity for those who are, I have pulled a great explanation from something I found online.

My Personal Experience

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Dear Readers,

I thought *“Emotional Health Week” would be a great time to share this little piece I wrote a few years ago, when my youngest was around three years old and really struggling with emotional outbursts of epic proportion! She still does at times and is eight now (at time of writing). I have by no means perfected this technique, but thought it might be useful to create a small summary of what I’ve learnt, with a lovely little personal example of how empathy can work its magic.

I have a Diploma in Childcare and Education and over 20 years of experience as a Nursery Practitioner, Nanny, Childminder (when my eldest was born) and a mum of two girls. Even with all of that, I still struggle at times to employ the empathic approach – It’s hard! This post is in no way meant to make anyone feel guilty or inadequate, so take from it what you will, but PLEASE remember to treat yourself with the same kindness, empathy and acceptance that we ALL need and deserve. ❤️

Through no fault of our own, we have learned to dismiss, ignore and punish difficult feelings and tantrums, instead of facing them head on and allowing them to be released in a healthy way. Obviously, this a scary alternative and brings up all sorts of our own feelings of embarrassment, guilt and shame, etc… However, supporting your child through these difficult feelings rather than punishing them, is an invaluable support and learning opportunity for your child.

After all, negative behaviour in children ALWAYS has a feeling or reason behind it. Dealing with it in an empathic way allows us to support our young children in getting to the bottom of those feelings. Furthermore, helping them to understand and deal with those difficult emotions in an effective way. In a way that is acceptable within the society which we are required to live, function and operate in.

Of-course undesirable behaviour must be punished, but the difficult feelings must not be. It is very important that we differentiate between these two things. A child should never feel like they are a “bad” person for feeling a certain way – ALL feelings are valid and need to be accepted – but the behaviour needs to be corrected, so that they can understand the importance of kindness and how we treat people… even when we are angry, frustrated or disappointed, etc… Children need to be supported and guided on how to do this, as they are so new to it all and are still learning the different ways they can handle their big scary feelings.

This is why it is so important that we try to harness the outbursts and tantrums and use them as an opportunity to support and guide our kids, rather than punishing them for having difficult, “undesirable” feelings – which can create an environment where a child only feels loved and accepted when they feel happy, excited, loving, etc…

They need to understand and be shown that they are loved unconditionally, and that includes when they are feeling all of the “negative” emotions too. This is not always the easiest thing to do in the moment, when they are perhaps behaving like a prize twat! 😆

It helps see these moments as a call for help, rather than something they’re doing on purpose to wind us up. Although there might be a little element of this of-course, we have to remember that we are the adult and they need our help and guidance in these moments (arguably) more than at any other time. Please remember, I’m not advocating paying attention to the behaviour, it’s the emotions we’re paying attention to and shining a light on.

The behaviour can be corrected through guidance, conversation and consequence AFTER the storm of emotions has calmed. A child who feels heard and understood is far more likely to display desirable behaviour, on the basis that they feel loved, valued and connected to you. But, more importantly, because you are modelling empathy and understanding, and teaching them how to manage their feelings more successfully. By providing them with a safe, non-judgemental space to do this.💞

Real Life Example – With my daughter - 3 yrs old at the time

She couldn't have something she wanted, and she had been told no in a firm, calm and kind way. She was feeling particularly hard done by - for a few other reasons perhaps - then add in… perhaps feeling fed up, hungry, tired or too hot, etc… And you get… "It's not fair!! You are not my friend! You can't come to my party! You are the worst mum in the world! I hate you!!!!"

I allowed her to storm off and said nothing to her except "Ok", so that I could keep myself calm and continue to look after my other child/pets that needed my attention. Then, when I was able to, I went to see her. I calmly said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry you're feeling so angry, I can see you're really upset, what do you need?"

Now, this is where the magic happens… I could literally see the anger start to melt away… she feels heard, understood and supported… I mean, who doesn't love that feeling, right?! She then wipes away her (snotty) tears and says, "A hug".

Ok, I can do that… a hug, so simple! This is where the reconnection happens. Where the warmth, trust and love come alive. In the secure and loving embrace of a hug, the anger quickly dissipates. We can talk calmly, and she tells me how she feels. I can help her name those feelings… sad, angry, upset, disappointed, etc… and we can discuss better ways of dealing with them.

As for the thing she couldn't have… there isn't even a hint of wanting it anymore. The WANT has disappeared because her NEED for understanding and empathy has been met! This is where we can truly nurture our child's emotional intelligence and build the foundations for a strong, self-assured, empathic adult!

Someone who has NOT been dismissed or punished for feeling a certain way, but has been nurtured with feelings of value, self-worth, understanding and unconditional love! ❤

Thank you so much for reading.

This post os public, so please feel free to share it…

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*If you’d like to find to find out more about Emotional Health Week… click HERE where there is a wealth of knowledge, helpful insights and useful tools and strategies around Emotional Health and Wellness ✨

Dear Readers,

As the “New Year, new me” epidemic of this January (and Januarys past) starts to dissolve into the memories of time gone by, it begs the question… Why do we do this to ourselves every year?

There are many answers to this question, one of which is the obvious marketing ploy of gyms, fitness centres and protein shake companies the world over. Someone (really quite clever) decided it would be the perfect time of year to prey on people’s insecurities, harness their desire for a “better me” and channel it straight into their greedy little money grabbing pockets.

Now, you may have wised up to this marketing ploy and for that I applaud you. It will mean you have been in that god awful place where you swiftly remember that you absolutely hate the gym (always have, always will), but are now slave to it for the entire 12 month contract you unwittingly signed… or, you never go again. Either way, you must begrudgingly part with your hard earned cash every single month, and suffer that feeling of being well and truly shafted up the backside!

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Dear Readers,

A question often posed in our modern-day society is “Can we have it all?” Something many people (mainly parents - mothers if we’re being honest) ask themselves regularly...

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