Becoming YOU

On accepting and embracing our whole selves.

I wrote a little piece recently about being our whole selves and thought I would publish it in honour of the recent release of Toni Jones first book - ‘YOU, The Beginners Guide’ 💛 Toni is a huge advocate for self-help and the core messaging that rang out throughout her fabulous book tour was that…

“self-help isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about getting to know
yourself and then designing a life that fits.”

Well, I’ve been getting to know myself pretty well over the last few years and certainly more recently through Toni’s Connected Self Method^TM - The three step framework which features in the book and focuses on supporting Self-Discovery, Life Design and Life Support.

The key difference with THIS self-help method (and the reason I think I’ve had so much success with it) is that it is all about discovering who you are… who you really are… and showing THAT WHOLE person love, compassion and ultimately acceptance.

In doing that, I’ve been through an emotional rollercoaster for sure. But when you come out the other side and start to work WITH yourself instead of against, something shifts. Something HUGE and wonderful (and a little scary).

I’ve spent years (two decades, in fact) trying to “fix” myself… improve myself… make myself better and more worthy of love. I believed I was broken, that there was something wrong with me… That I was the problem.

I was exhausted from chasing some imaginary end-goal, where I
would be “fixed” and THEN I could finally be happy!

It never occurred to me that there might be parts of me that were never “broken”, never “wrong”… just different, unique and misunderstood… even by me. So, through the self-discovery process, I learned to meet myself with kindness, compassion and even love - I know! 😲

It really got me thinking about the “and then” story we tell ourselves and how we’re constantly striving towards this imaginary point in our lives where we think we’ll finally have all our shit together. When we can then shift our focus onto doing more of the things we love, spend time with the people that really matter to us and finally allow ourselves to live authentically as our whole selves.

Becoming YOU

Life isn’t something we complete like a puzzle or a game. The end point is death. Even then we leave ripples and echoes of our love, our voice and our existence.

There is no, “and then”… I’ll rest, I’ll paint. I’ll write.

“And then”… I’ll look after myself, let myself feel, think and be still. Holding onto all of it until… when? You’re retired and exhausted from “getting through” life. Fragile, broken, bitter, and resentful as you look back at a life spent pleasing others, doing the ‘shoulds’, sticking to the script, chasing the algorithm and getting swept up in toxic productivity, vailed as success.

If we wait, if we ignore our feelings and suppress who we really are. If we surrender to a life that isn’t really ours. If we stay stuck and afraid and don’t allow ourselves the time and space to feel. To process our emotions and stay connected to ourselves. Learn to accept and embrace ALL of it.

If we wait, to “complete” life first. There will be no “and then”.

What if life isn’t something to just “get through”? What if all the things we’ve learned to ignore and suppress are actually the key to a fulfilling life? What if we now live in a world where we can access all those things again?

With research and science proving time and time again that emotional health is of vital importance to our overall wellbeing. Combined with a societal shift that has made way for more knowledge, understanding and acceptance in this area than ever before. I believe that we can make our way back to ourselves. Our whole selves. Who we are at our core. Who we were before the world fucked us over!

I know we can because I’m doing it now. ‘Doing’, not ‘done’ because it is a process that is never done. It’s a practise, a shift in mindset, a choice we make…. And keep making over and over, until it becomes a habit. A new way of being. A way of living as your authentic self and knowing that this life is not (and will never be) perfect.

But when you allow yourself to be YOU, it can be pretty damn good!

Until next time,

Please excuse the sausage fingers - Bad inflammation that day 🫣